Dear Awesome Woman,
Ever feel angry about not getting what you want?
Me? No, never! Hah! Of course I do – I wish I could say that I was more ‘zen’ than that, but it’s not the case.
And anger isn’t a bad thing. No emotion is bad or negative because they all have messages for us. Karla Mclaren brings this to light in her book “The Language of Emotions.”
The key question is: do you know what to do about that feeling of anger, disappointment or frustration that arises when you don’t get what you want? Do you stuff it down and pretend that you are too ‘zen’ or too mature to feel these kind of emotions? Do you feel shame for even wanting what you can’t have?
Or is there a way to allow yourself to be honest and process these sensations of anger without having a complete meltdown and yelling at someone?
Yes! There is a way!
Let’s use an easy example that many of us may have experienced. Have you ever bought an expensive shirt at a store that’s not in your neighborhood and two weeks later you’re at home, trying it on again and decide that it doesn’t look as good as it did in the dimly lit store dressing room? No big deal, right? Next time you get a chance, you bring it back.
But as you stand in front of the register, you notice the little return policy sign. Oops, this store only allows returns 10 days after purchase. Beyond that, you get a store credit.
I don’t know about you, but I really don’t like store credits. I don’t want to have to keep the tiny piece of paper that the clerk gives me; I don’t want to keep on my to-do list that extra errand of going back to the store and I don’t want to pick up something that I don’t need so I won’t feel that I wasted money.
Bottom line, I made a mistake, now please give me my money.
So, when the cashier says to me ‘I can give you a store credit,’ I feel annoyed. Now, am I going to have a meltdown or demand my money back? I’d prefer not to. Why should I ruin the cashier’s day by throwing some toxic energy her way and it’s also not worth the feeling of shame afterwards to know that I behaved more like a child than an adult.
But I also don’t want to stuff down that feeling of annoyance or frustration. These are energy expressions of anger that when suppressed will most likely result in some kind of Mind-body pain. As I’ve discussed in past newsletters, Mind-body pain is the symptom of unaddressed emotional energy. When processed properly by allowance and attention, not only do you prevent the pain symptom, but you also get to hear soul guidance messages as well.
So, after collecting my little piece of paper that the store refers to as a ‘credit’, I go to my car. This is where I will take a few moments to sit and allow my anger to be noticed and heard. I tune inward and ask myself the question of “where do I feel the physical sensation of anger in my body?”
I may notice that my jaw is clenched, my eyes narrowed, my chest tight. I’ll allow my attention to be on the clenching, narrowness and tightness for a moment. Then I’ll take a deep inhale/exhale. I may hear a kind soul message like ‘Honey, it’s ok to make a mistake’ or ‘you can handle this.’
When these phrases are expressed as ‘soul messages’, they feel like relief in the body. They feel kind, expansive and calming. This is sometimes referred to as ‘stillness.’
A ‘mind message’ on the other hand, may have the same message, the same language, but will feel a bit ‘forced.’ It won’t bring a sense of relief in the body and may even result in a feeling of constriction.
With the practice of recognizing and allowing emotional energy in the form of physical sensations, we can experience this inner place of ‘stillness’ more and more often. It feels like coming home – home to our bodies, home to our souls.
So, I invite you to try this practice. Anytime that you feel annoyed, frustrated, angry, don’t be ‘zen’ about it. Instead, find a spot where you can be alone and place your attention inward. Notice the physical sensations in your body – tight chest, clutching in your gut etc.
Do you hear a ‘soul message’- a phrase or word that pops in your head and feels different than regular mind chatter? By attending to the physical, you have allowed the spiritual to make itself known.
If it’s a situation that’s more complicated than the one I used here, then also allow for physical expression as well – if you feel like clenching your hands or punching the air – do so. Your mind chatter may judge you as being silly, but your body will thank you.
Wanting clarity and to hear your body’s soul guidance on a challenging situation? Schedule your complimentary Clarity call here and let’s tap into your powerful intuitive wisdom so you can know exactly what to do. Looking forward!