Dear Awesome Woman,
Are You Your Own Energy Vampire?
At times, I really am my own energy vampire. An energy vampire is someone who drains your energy – whether it’s mental, emotional or even spiritual. After spending time with them, and it doesn’t have to be a lot, you feel exhausted.
Maybe the person talks endlessly about their own issues without regard for you as a listener, or is always negative and making themselves a victim of all their circumstances. All of us at times need to vent and complain, but energy vampires do this all the time in a relationship.
Or maybe they try to make you feel guilty or use emotional blackmail (see Susan Forward’s book ‘Emotional Blackmail’ which I highly recommend) to try to get you to do what they want.
Ahh, but I have discovered that I can be my own worst energy vampire. Sometimes, when I find myself drained and exhausted, I look around and it is only me in the room.
When I disregard a negative feeling after an interaction with someone and instead, give myself a guilt trip for feeling what I feel – that is me emotionally blackmailing me.
Remember, sensations hold information and feelings contain valuable messages. If I judge myself for what I am feeling instead of accepting and allowing the emotion and hearing what it is telling me, then I will feel drained.
For example, if a friend at the last minute cancels a long-awaited lunch date, do you hang up the phone and berate yourself for feeling disappointed? Or do you recognize the “ bubble-burst” sensation and hurt emotion and then allow yourself the gift of compassion for having been let down?
Taking a deep breath in and sitting with these feelings for even one moment is an act of kindness towards yourself. You can take time to notice whether the disappointment needs to be shared with the friend or just acknowledged within yourself as a rare occurrence in a trusted relationship.
There are other times that feeling exhausted results from spending too much time imagining the most dreadful outcome of something that hasn’t even happened yet. This will suck the energy right out of you. All that negative thinking is so draining.
Yes, a circumstance may look bleak, but G-d is amazingly creative and the Master of possibilities. You can recognize that you’re fearful of the future, and vent that fear on paper, rip it up and release those thoughts to the wind.
You can also allow your inner child to have a temper tantrum or a fear-fest.
There are so many ways to process emotions and thoughts so that you feel vital afterwards instead of exhausted (please schedule a Clarity call for more info).
Flooding oneself with a list of gratitudes for the many blessings that you have is also energizing as long as you’re not suppressing emotions. Bringing awareness to situations and people who you can be grateful for actually increases dopamine levels which result in uplifting your mind, body and spirit.
As psychiatrist, Dr. Judith Orloff, says “Take control. Get in the driver’s seat. Create a circle of positive people around you.” She is referring to external energy vampires, but this advice can also apply to one’s own internal one.
Take control by choosing to create a circle of positivity for yourself.
Allow yourself the time to feel all your emotions, not to necessarily act on them, but to feel them honestly without censor.
Process your fears and limit the time spent “prophesizing” the worst case scenarios.
Be kind to yourself for being on this funky journey called life.
Grab some gratitude and notice blessings in your life. Never take anything for granted. What’s here today can be gone tomorrow.
Be your own best friend and kiss that internal energy vampire goodbye!
Wanting help to shoo your energy vampires away – both the internal and external ones? Schedule your free Clarity Call today 🙂