Whose Business Are You In?

Dear Awesome Woman,

Whose business are you in? It’s a strange question, isn’t it?

It’s not referring to a career.  It’s actually referring to where your mind is.

Byron Katie, the founder of a meditative process called The Work,  coined this simple question of “whose business are you in?”

There are three options to the question:

my business

their business

G-d’s business

Our mind is full of thoughts all day long.  When we take a moment to tune into what those thoughts actually are, we may discover that we are in someone else’s business – meaning we are wondering what they are thinking.

Wondering if this person is mad at you.  Wondering if this person likes you.  Wondering if you say something this way or that way will someone will dislike you.  Wondering what others think of the way you dress, eat, act etc.

This is called “being in their business.”

And when you are in their business, who is in your business?  Meaning, what are you thinking, feeling, valuing? What do you think of the way you are dressing?  What do you think about what you just said?

Since it  is impossible to be in two places at once, then when you are in someone else’s business by wondering what they are thinking about you, then no one is “home” by you.  You actually have no idea what you are thinking and feeling.

This can physically be felt in your body.  

Let’s try it.

First wiggle your toes, take a deep breath and imagine wanting to send a text to Aunt Mathilda. Now imagine saying to yourself “I want Aunt Mathilda to think that I am a nice person.” What happens in your body when you do this?

I know for me, I leave my body energetically and fly through “mind space” to Aunt Mathilda and my thoughts change to “what should I say to Aunt Mathilda to get her to think I’m nice?” And then I would word the text from this place energetically.  My text would probably sound sugary sweet.

Now, try wiggling your toes, taking a deep breath in and imagine wanting to send a text to Aunt Mathilda, but this time you stay “home” in your mind and body. Notice the physical sensations that come up for you, notice your feelings.  Is it warm heartedness and care for Aunt Mathilda?  Maybe it’s a sense of fear or dread because Aunty can be quite critical at times.

For me, I feel much “denser” when I stay “home” in my body and mind.  If I feel care and warmth towards this person in my heart then my words flow with the integrity of that sensation.  If I feel dread, then good to know. Good to know that I’ve been hurt by Aunty at times and I’ll choose how I can protect myself when I interact with her – even if it’s a text.

That’s me being in my business.  I know what I value, I know what emotions I’m feeling and I know what I’m thinking when I stay “home” rather than flying all over the place into other people’s business.

The funny thing is that it is an illusion of control to think that I can know what someone is thinking about me. I can never know this because I am not them and I am not G-d.

By saying to myself “I want so and so to think…… about me” is just me trying to control the way someone thinks about me.  And this is impossible.  

So, I invite you to notice when you’re flying into someone else’s business by wondering what they are thinking of you.  Besides the fact that you have no way of knowing the answer, flying around is exhausting and expensive. It costs you time and energy.

Instead, stay home in yourself and see how that feels.

You’ll have more energy and joy and your interactions with others will be more authentic.

Enjoy!