Dear Awesome Woman,
When stopped at a stoplight, do you ever find yourself leaning over into someone else’s car to adjust their navigational system? Strange question, right? And, of course, most of us would never do such a thing.
But what we may do, and I find this has been truthful about myself at times, is to try to lead our own navigational system by way of adjusting another’s. By this I’m referring to the habit of wanting to make others happy.
That desire that friends, loved ones and even strangers have good experiences and good outcomes in their lives is a wonderful sentiment. But it can lead to over doing and burn out. This is damaging for ourselves and not helpful to others in the long run.
In my belief system, each of us has a soul. And this soul is always on direction – it always knows where it’s going. The personality/ego self may not know the direction, but the soul does. Part of the reason that we have this integration of soul and body in this world is to keep adjusting our personality self to our soul self. And this is quite a personal and curious journey. It doesn’t always feel good or look pretty. These are called the ups and downs of life. The ups feel joyful and the downs, I like to refer to as ‘challenges.’
I can’t adjust someone else’s navigational system. They have their own soul and their own journey with their own personality/ego challenges. I can help them help themselves by showing up in my highest self, but if I try to determine or control whether a person will have an easy journey or a happy one, I’m leaning into their car and trying to adjust their direction. And it’s not mine to touch.
Oftentimes, this desire to ‘make someone happy’ or as I’m referring to it here -’make attempts to adjust someone else’s life journey’ lurks hidden in the recesses of my mind. I’m not quite aware that I’m in this pattern. Yet, my body is. My body can feel that my mind is pushing this agenda because it will feel a bit hyperactive in wanting to ‘do, do, do’ for others. And then, after this period of activity, it will feel zapped of energy and drained.
It is my mind that is pushing the agenda that is leading my body down this path of ‘push, push, do’ and then ‘collapse.’ Without my awareness, I’m in a mental pattern of leaning into someone’s car and attempting to direct them.
So, how do we change this exhaustive pattern?
Number 1, notice it. Notice when you are thinking about how someone else will think and feel about something. That’s how you know you are in ‘adjustment’ mode.
Number 2, check in with your body. Draw your hand back from their car, take a conscious breath and ask yourself ‘what are you feeling?’ Are you anxious, worried, sad, scared? Notice the physical sensation in your body – buzzing in your head, tightness in your chest, droopiness in your shoulders or something in your stomach etc. These physical sensations are how emotional energy shows up in our body. Take a moment to put your awareness on these manifesting in your body.
Number 3, listen gently for intuitive wisdom. You may see an image or hear something. This is how intuitive guidance presents itself to you.
Number 4, take action in alignment with what came through for you. Is it telling you to slow down? Is it reminding you that the person you’re worried about has their own path? Is it whispering that you are loved and encouraging kindness towards yourself? Is it telling you it’s ok to feel sad or angry?
Here’s an example of how this can all play out. Say you’re making a meal for guests and you want to serve food that is pleasing to them. If they’re vegetarians, then it’s kind to serve veggies. If they’re gluten-free, then it’s kind to provide alternatives to bread. But how do you determine what to make and how much? How do you take care of not running yourself into the ground with all the preparations required when having company?
Number 1, notice if you’re thinking what guest A will think about your food – since you can’t be in someone else’s mind, then you can’t know what they’re thinking. So if you’re trying to wrap your mind around what guest A will think about your food, then you’ve leaned into their car. Great! You’ve noticed your mind pattern.
Number 2, bring your mind to your body – take a conscious breath and notice any physical sensations going on in there. Are you feeling tightness or constriction anywhere? Just stay with that sensation for a moment.
Number 3, what feels kind to do for you and for guest A? Intuitive wisdom is always kind. It may be truthful and blunt, but it sounds very different than the voice of the inner critic. It doesn’t put you down or criticize you, it is kind.
Number 4, take action based on the guidance that came through for you. Do what’s kind. Kind to you means, you make what’s enjoyable and not taxing to you. Kind to them, means enough food will be available to them. That’s all you can do.
Whether they enjoy it, think you’re an awesome cook or don’t like anything you made, you did your best and kept your hand in your car.
Eliminate this one word from your vocabulary and feel freedom in your spirit. Listen to your complimentary Clarity audio for Peace of Mind.