Mindbody Wellness Clarity Tip:
The Gift of Anger
Dear Awesome Woman,
Anger is such an awesome topic to speak of and there is so much to say about it, but in my desire to make my newsletters short in order to provide easy, digestible chunks of info in this age of information overload, I will be brief, yet concise.
In Linda Kohanov’s Emotional message chart that I’ve begun to send out with my ‘Dear Awesome Woman’ journals to clients (and if you are a client and haven’t received one, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll be happy to send), it states that the message of anger is “A physical or emotional boundary has been crossed (sometimes unconsciously, sometimes by a person who’s trying to bend you to his or her will).” And I’ll add to that that when we cross our own boundaries we will also feel the emotion of anger as well.
Kohanov says that the question to ask of the anger is “What must be protected? What boundary must be established or restored?”
So this is the gift of anger.
Now this does not mean that you have to go spouting off to people, exploding your anger all over the place. Not only does that (most of the time) cross other people’s boundaries, but it also can cause a disruption in a relationship that you would like to maintain.
So what is a woman to do with her anger?
She first needs to explore it a bit. That looks like taking time by yourself to have a temper tantrum. You don’t have to full on fall-on-the-floor and bang your feet one, but you can scribble your feelings and thoughts on paper and rip it up. You can stomp around. You can do a silent scream (or a real one if you feel comfortable doing that). You can wave your arms out to the side like a wild bird.
Yes, all this may look really weird, but you can do it in the privacy of a bathroom or a room. You’re giving your body the outlet it needs to express a very large energy that is popping up to give you a message. And that message is that something doesn’t feel right or sound right to you. Someone may be being incongruent with you. Or you’ve been doing too much in a relationship, carrying the burden of someone’s responsibilities too far beyond your own and the gift of anger is telling you to draw back—to restore your boundaries.
Once you’ve acted out the energy of anger (and if there is a lot or something has been going on for awhile, this temper tantrum may need to repeat itself a number of times), then you are gifted with the clarity of what action needs to be taken to establish your boundaries. It could be a talk, it could be that you just start doing something different.
A family member may be criticizing you too often. An employee may constantly be showing up late for meetings. A friend may make confusing remarks that throw you off center. Your body may have registered each time that it felt angry when these things happened, but you didn’t know what to do with it. Well, know you know. Process, then clarify for yourself what needs to shift, and then act on it.
And beware of breaking your own boundaries. I sometimes find that in caring too deeply about someone, I can dip into over-responsibility mode. I may be trying to make something happen for a loved one that they’re not willing to make happen for themselves.
And always pay attention to when you’ve been working too long or hard and you’re ignoring your body’s signals of tiredness. Your soul desires creativity and play and your body will be the first to let you know when you’re not paying attention to that.
So, I invite you tune into your anger when it pops up and let it guide you to its gifts.
Need a helping hand? You can easily schedule a Free Clarity call here. As a Somatic Healer and Clarity Coach, I help busy women step into their radiant power through quick shifts towards transformational healing, marriage tune-ups, and toxic relationship detoxes. Looking forward to hearing your voice 🙂
Love and blessings,
Miriam Racquel (Meryl)
Somatic Healer & Clarity Coach