Breaking Free of the Confusion with a Borderline/Narcissist
Mindbody Clarity Tips for Heroines of Toxic Relationships
Dear Awesome Woman,
Probably the most damaging thing about a relationship with a Borderline/ Narcissist is the confusing message they send about loving you. One hour they could be singing your praises and loving you with their generous heart and spirit and the next hour, you don’t know what you said or did, but man, they are pissed. The venom that comes spilling out of their mouth burns.
But wait a second, weren’t you the most loved wife, friend, employee just a mere sixty minutes ago? What happened to all that love and good feeling? Where did it go?
Just the other day, I saw an advertisement for domestic abuse services with a destroyed flower and the words, “Loves me, loves me not. Is your relationship with your spouse or intimate partner a bewildering mixture of loving one day and loathing the next?” (Shalva) This ad exactly describes the confusing mess of being in a relationship with a Borderline/Narcissist. Whether they’re an intimate partner or relative, friend or boss, you’ll always be losing your footing and not recognizing the ground you’re walking on.
So, what can you do? If you can run for the hills, great! Then do so! But for most of us, it is not that simple. By the time you recognize that something is up with this person and start googling Borderline/Narcissists, you’re already in deep and then it’s not so easy to extract yourself. They’ve already done a number on your sense of self.
So, what you can do is THIS: go within your body with your awareness. As frightening as it may be to BE in your body (it’s much easier to dissociate when you’re scared and being in a relationship with a Borderline/Narcissist produces tremendous fear in your body), it is the safest place for you to BE. And the most empowering.
As you interact with the Borderline/Narcissist, notice if you feel a sinking in your stomach, a tension in your jaw, a constriction in your chest. You can even gently rest your hands in those places. This is calming and centering to your body.
Each of these sensations is an emotion. Emotions are ‘energy in motion’ and are guiding lights on your journey to wellness.
The sinking in your stomach is probably fear.
The tension in your jaw is probably anger.
The constriction in your chest could be any of the following: shame, humiliation, grief, sadness, anger.
Noticing these physical sensations in your body is your first step to unravelling the confusion that results from interactions with the Borderline/Narcissist. This is because your emotions, body and soul hold tremendous wisdom for you and tapping into this wisdom is foundational to your freedom.
Please reach out and schedule your complimentary Clarity Call. Whether you are in a relationship with a Borderline/Narcissist now, or have been in the past and have trauma from it, I can help support you on your journey to wellness. Somatic/Mindbody healing integrates the wisdom of the mind, body and soul so you can step into your confident, radiant and real self.
Miriam Racquel (Meryl)
Somatic Healer & Clarity Coach