Mindbody Wellness Clarity Conscious Tip:
A Simple Way to Drop Judgment, Relieve Tension and Improve Your Relationships
Dear Awesome Woman,
Judgment, whether it’s towards the self or towards others, is a huge factor in creating tension in the body and tension in relationships. The inner tension causes painful mindbody symptoms, those aches and ailments that sometime seem to have a logical explanation, but oftentimes don’t. And we certainly know the stress that’s added to a relationship when we’re judging others.
So how do we drop that judgment quickly and dial down tension? Do we take a run, beat a punching bag silly, get all zen with breathing?
Those things are great stress relievers, but here’s a simple one that can work really quickly: own all your parts.
Own the parts of yourself that you’ve been rejecting and pushing away from yourself.
You see them clearly in other people:
- She is irresponsible.
- She is lazy.
- She is selfish.
- She is so impractical. How could she think that could work?
- He is inept at his job.
- He makes bad decisions.
The list can go on forever. We all have judgments. Those are normal and human. But these are projections of ourselves that G-d, the Universe, Source, is showing outside of us in order to integrate what is inside of us. They are our shadow parts.
The first step to integrating these is through recognition and awareness. Knowing that we have all those parts too.
All this is not to say that we should ignore our ability for wise discernment. Nope—that would be a big ‘no-no.’
So let’s take a pause and quickly explore the difference between judgment and discernment.
Discernment is when there is a neutrality around what we are seeing in someone else. It’s a noticing, an awareness of someone’s personality trait. An acceptance. We are free to like or dislike what we are noticing especially when it has a negative consequence for us like a friend or co-worker being continuously late. In these cases, we allow ourselves to use wise discernment to take action.
With judgment, there’s an annoyance with tension—a clenched jaw, a gripping in the chest—plus there’s a belief that we are more perfect than the other and that we would never do what they are doing.
By owning what we are judging in another we can be free. We can let go of the inner tension of trying to hide from our shadow. We free up the energy of holding something at bay.
And this is how:
1) Say: “I am also ___________.” And find in your life where you are not perfect and where you do exactly what you’re complaining about the other person.
2) Release a long breath and then inhale, release again.
3) Now say: “Sometimes I am _______ and sometimes I am ________. I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
With the earlier sentences, it would look like this:
- “I am also irresponsible when ….” — find a circumstance where you were kind of irresponsible. Breathe. And then say: “Sometimes I am a person who is responsible and sometimes I am a person who is irresponsible. I am both; I am willing to own all my parts.”
- “I am also lazy when….” Breathe. “Sometimes I am lazy and sometimes I am productive. I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
- “Sometimes I am also selfish when …” Breathe. “Sometimes I am giving and sometimes I am selfish. I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
- “I am also impractical. I did this ….and those things were very impractical.” Breathe. “Sometimes I am practical and sometimes I am impractical. I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
- “I am also inept when …. “ Breathe. “Sometimes I am competent and sometimes I am inept.” Breathe. “I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
- “I also make bad decisions when …. “ Breathe. “Sometimes I make great decisions and sometimes I don’t. I do both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
Get the drift?
This little exercise may sting a bit and that is the ego letting go of its self-identity. It’s dissolving and that can feel uncomfortable at first.
But when you get into the habit of owning all your parts, it’s extremely freeing, releases tension in your body and improves relationships with yourself and others. Your partner, your kids, your co-workers, your friends and even strangers will thank you!
You are still going to make wise, discerning decisions about who you hire, who you work with, who you friend, but from a more expansive, soul-wise place. From a place of noticing and awareness where self-identity is more flowing and whole.
Need help? I invite you to a Free Clarity Call. As a Somatic healer, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies and intuition in their relationships, career and health. Looking forward to hearing your voice!
Please feel free to forward this to friends 🙂
Miriam Racquel (Meryl)
Somatic Healer & Clarity Coach