Not Just Coping, But Thriving In Your Relationships During Quarantine
Mindbody Wellness Clarity Tip
Dear Awesome Woman,
Strange time that we’re in now, isn’t it? The world is topsy turvy with lots of changes.
Being quarantined with your loved ones can bring strain and drain or it can bring an opportunity for growth and thriving. If you are quarantined alone, then use this Mindbody Wellness tip to help you in your relationships outside your physical quarters. You may not be physically contained together, but you are emotionally contained together as per the very definition of a relationship.
When we are emotionally triggered by someone, our minds fill with judgement.
“How could they have done that?! They’re so ___________.” And you fill in the blank. Your body probably fills with stress and tension, and communicates that to you through tight shoulders, constricted lungs and/or a clenched jaw (leading to a headache later on).
There are many ways to deal with this emotional triggering and tension through using Mindbody Wellness. Today, I’ll share one way that can ease your stress and better your relationships.
Any kind of judgement, whether it’s towards the self or towards others, is a huge factor in creating tension in the body. This tension can cause painful mindbody symptoms, those aches and pain ailments that seem to have a physical explanation —plantar fasciitis—it’s the shoes; migraine—it’s the weather—but really are the result of inner emotional tension. It’s something inside of us rather than outside of us.
And the strain to a relationship when we’re judgy is apparent.
But what can we do? Right now during quarantine, we’re living and breathing in close quarters with others—their personalities, their habits, their patterns—and what a challenge that can be! For sure, we’re not going to like everything someone else does.
But perhaps your soul is wanting something else from you during this time. Maybe it’s about dropping some ego and some blind spots and becoming whole. Maybe there is an opportunity here to thrive.
Becoming whole means owning all your parts—the good, the bad and the ugly. It may be easy to see what you like about yourself, but most of us hide from our bad and ugly. Or it’s easy to think that we don’t even have the bad and ugly, but we for sure know that others do! It’s easy to point the finger at someone else and judge them for being lazy, selfish, stupid, foolish, arrogant, cheap, irresponsible, inept, messy etc. These judgements are normal and human. They are also projections of ourselves that G-d, the Universe, Source, is showing outside of us in order to integrate what is inside of us. These judgements are our shadow parts. And we’ve been rejecting them for years.
Let this quarantine time be a spiritual time of change— a time to accept, love and embrace ourselves more wholly. And by doing this we will also find more love and compassion for others. Our health will improve as will our relationships. Less judgement and tension, more inner and outer peace.
All this is not to say that we should ignore our ability for wise discernment. Nope—that would be a big mindbody “no-no.” Our bodies communicate with us for a reason and often it’s to discern what’s okay for us and what is not okay for us.
Let’s take a pause and quickly explore the difference between judgement and discernment.
Discernment is when there is a neutrality around what we are seeing in someone else. It’s a noticing, an awareness of someone’s personality trait. An acceptance. We are free to like or dislike what we are noticing especially when it has a negative consequence for us. We do need to notice how someone’s behavior affects us. Like when a co-worker is continuously late or a friend doesn’t follow through on commitments or when a child leaves messes around or a spouse is critical. Using wise discernment, we take action and/or speak up. It’s our job to keep ourselves safe, healthy and whole.
Judgement differs from discernment in the sense that it’s very loud and mighty. There’s also the belief that we are more perfect than the other person and that we would never do what they are doing.
By owning what we are judging in another we can be free. We can let go of the inner tension of trying to hide from our shadow and free up the energy of holding something at bay.
I invite you to try this exercise:
OWNING YOUR SHADOW SELF
When your mind is saying things like this:
- She is irresponsible.
- She is lazy.
- He is so selfish.
- He is so impractical. How could he think that could work?
- He is inept at his job.
- He makes bad decisions.
- Notice the tension inside your body—where do you feel it? Just notice it.
- Now, put one hand out in front of you, palm up and say: “I am ___________.” Fill in the blank with the jugement word that you have pasted on the other person. Find in your life where you are not perfect and where you do exactly what you’re complaining about the other person.
3) Take a deep belly breath in and release.
4) Now put the other hand out, palm up and say the opposite of that judgement word.
5) Take another deep belly breath in and release.
6) Now with both palms up say: “Sometimes I am _______ and sometimes I am ________. I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
7) Notice if the tension inside you has relaxed a bit.
With the earlier sentences, it would look like this:
- One hand out, palm up and say: “I am irresponsible when ….” — find circumstances where you acted irresponsibly. Breathe. And then the other hand out, palm up, say: “I am also responsible.” Breathe. Then with both palms up, say: “Sometimes I am responsible and sometimes I am irresponsible. I am both; I am willing to own all my parts.”
- One hand out, palm up and say: “I am lazy when….” Breathe. And then the other hand out, palm up, say: “I am also not lazy (or I am also productive).” Breathe. Then with both palms up, say: “Sometimes I am lazy and sometimes I am productive. I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
- One hand out, palm up and say: “ I am selfish when …” Breathe. And then the other hand out, palm up, say: “I am also generous.” Breathe. Then with both palms up, say: “Sometimes I am generous and sometimes I am selfish. I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
- One hand out, palm up and say: “I am impractical. I did this ….and those things were very impractical.” Breathe. And then the other hand out, palm up, say: “I am also practical.” Breathe. Then with both palms up, say: “Sometimes I am practical and sometimes I am impractical. I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
- One hand out, palm up and say: “I am also inept when ….” Breathe. And then the other hand out, palm up, say: “I am not inept. I am competent.” Then with both palms up, say: “Sometimes I am competent and sometimes I am inept. I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
- One hand out, palm up and say: “I make bad decisions when ….” Breathe. And then the other hand out, palm up, say: “I also make good decisions.” Breathe. Then with both palms up, say: “Sometimes I make great decisions and sometimes I make bad decisions. I do both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
Get the drift?
This little exercise may sting a bit and that is the ego letting go of its self-identity. It’s dissolving and that can feel uncomfortable at first.
But when you get into the habit of owning all your parts, it’s extremely freeing, releases tension in your body and improves relationships with others. You are still going to make wise, discerning decisions about who you hire, who you work with, who you friend and what you like and don’t like, but by owning your parts you’ll be coming from a more expansive, soul-wise place. Your partner, your kids, your co-workers, your friends and even strangers will thank you!
Need help? I invite you to a Free Clarity Call or visit MiriamRacquel.com. As a Somatic healer, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies and intuition in their relationships, career and health. Looking forward to hearing your voice!
Miriam Racquel (Meryl)
Somatic Healer & Clarity Coach