5 Mindbody Wellness Tips to Stop Barking Up the Wrong Tree in Your Relationships, Career and Life
Mindbody Wellness Clarity Tips
Dear Awesome Woman,
Have you ever tried to make something happen and it just feels like you’re banging your head against the wall? That person you’re trying to change just isn’t budging? That job you’re trying to get just isn’t happening? That test you’re trying to pass or that school you’re trying to get into just isn’t yielding?
What’s going on here? You know what you want and you’re going after it. That person who is always late or always leaving things on the counters knows better—you’ve told them 100 times.
That job is your dream job—you’ve wanted it ever since you were little. Why is it not working out?
You’ve put so much effort into studying, why can’t the numbers on that test just prove it?
And that school you’ve wanted to attend, which you’ve heard is so great, just isn’t accepting you. Well, why not?
I can say platitudes like, “It just isn’t meant to be” or “That person just doesn’t care because if they did, they would easily change.” And these platitudes could all be true. But I believe that there is something deeper going on. And that is—you’re barking up the wrong tree. There needs to be some tweaking to the action you’re taking to reach Your North Star.
“Know the secret of finding the North Star in the northern sky, and you will know how to find direction even in the darkest of nights.” Survival Topics (How to find the North Star)
It can feel really dark when you’re not getting what you firmly believe to be true. Your frustration knows no end, and a sense of rage, hopelessness and despair can set in. You feel completely powerless.
The secret to finding your North Star, your direction, your compass, is through understanding and processing your emotions in order to access your inner wisdom. Doing this helps you from barking up the wrong tree in your relationships, in your career and in your life.
Emotions are “energy in motion” and have messages for us. They present themselves not as words to the mind—those are our definitions of them—but as physical sensations in the body. With your attention placed on those physical sensations, the energy can flow and intuition can be heard.
Since we are talking about barking up the wrong tree, the most prevalent emotion present is frustration and I love how author Linda Kohanov simply states what the message is: “the action that you are taking is not effective”.
In order to stop barking up the wrong tree and do something wiser and more effective, try any of these 5 Mindbody Wellness tips:
- Tune into your body. Does your jaw feel clenched, your stomach tight, your brows furrowed? If so, you may end up with a migraine, a stiff neck, lower back pain or digestive issues. Do something differently this time—put a hand on the physical sensation that is presenting itself. Put one hand on the clenched jaw and another on your tight stomach. If your brows are furrowed, place both your hands on those and gently pull outward. You are giving your body the message that you are listening to it. You are allowing the energy to flow and making space for intuition to be heard. Notice if a new idea or new step presents itself to you—this is your intuition flowing and can be heard after your body’s energy is acknowledged. Instead of dissociating from the body, you are diving into it.
- Get vulnerable. Ask for help. Something is not working and maybe a kind friend or resource can point you in a different direction. My emphasis here is KIND. Do not go to someone who may be helpful, but is critical or has a jealous streak. Tell G-d or the universe that you are only willing to receive from kind sources. Do not accept less than that. Please read “Circles of Trust,” a short newsletter in which I help you tap into your wise discernment and decide who you let into your life (or who you need to let go of). It includes BRAKES, a set of relationship-oriented principles that are based off of Brene Brown’s BRAVING principles.
- Take a tiny Action step in a different direction. Powerlessness is a terrible feeling. It may remind you of something from your past, an inner child wound that is festering because of the despair that is coming up. Take a moment to listen to your inner child: draw a line down the center of a paper. On the left side of the paper, access your inner child, whatever age that is presenting itself. Let it share with you its pain, sadness and anger. On the right side of the paper, just acknowledge its feelings with kindness and compassion. You can use words like, “I hear you” or “I’m so sorry that happened.” Let tears fall if those come up for you. Your body has a lot to share and some energy from the past may be somewhat stuck. After this exercise, notice if a small action step comes to mind that you can take as an adult. You are not a child anymore and therefore you do have tremendous power.
- Reassess. Perhaps what you think is right for you isn’t. Be open to the gifts of unlimited possibilities. Also, be open to changing your energy in the way you communicate or changing the energy in the way you go about trying to make something happen. I work with clients all the time to help them access the wisdom that their bodies and souls are trying to share with them regarding changes that can be made. Our ideas about how things should be are not necessarily true. We may be living from societal beliefs and childhood fantasies that are false.
- Do the ROAR! Process. The ROAR! Process is an integrated somatic healing technique that I developed to help process emotions especially anger, resentment, grief, and frustration. It is also very helpful for releasing trauma and helping the body heal. It engages the fight/flight mechanism of the body in order to free stuck energy and resolve freeze. Intuition is accessed as well.
These 5 tips will help empower you to stop barking up the wrong tree and discover other solutions, enabling you to break free from frustration. It’s time to tap into the wisdom your body and soul are trying to share with you.
Need a helping hand? I invite you to schedule your Free Clarity call today. As a Somatic Healer, Clarity & Relationship Coach, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies and intuition. Anxiety and physical pain relief, trauma processing, marriage magic, Narcissist/Borderline-relationship detoxing, and career shifts can all be accomplished through Mindbody Soul sessions (by phone). Download your free gift eguide: “3 Secrets to Solve Burnout and Get Energized the Mindbody Wellness Way.”