The Danger of the Word “Should”
Mindbody Wellness Clarity Tips
Dear Awesome Woman,
Ever ignore a niggling of fear in your body and instead replace it with your mind’s persistent whisper of the word “should”?
Gavin de Becker, in his book “The Gift of Fear,” emphasizes the importance of listening to your body’s signals in keeping you safe from harm. He gives countless examples of how victims of attacks registered the danger they were in, yet bypassed their body’s fear signal by doing the “socially” acceptable thing. In other words listening to their mind’s whisper of the word “should.” “I should allow this stranger to carry my groceries to my apartment—he’s only being nice,” “I should keep this employee—she is only acting this way because of …”
That word “should” — so small, yet lethal and deadly to one’s intuition.
Why? Because each one of us has an intuitive body sense of people and situations that
communicates to us. The word “should” silences that communication.
I was once in a situation, communicating with a stranger, and the word “should” kept telling me to continue—”You should help this person. You should be less wary and give her a chance.” But those “shoulds” were shutting down the intuitive sense that my body was signaling to me which was “something feels off here.” Like an amoeba, my body wanted to move away from this person.
I was confused by my mind’s whispering of the word “should” and a sense of …compassion. But compassion without wisdom is not kindness, it is foolishness. And foolishness is dangerous because it compromises our values, integrity and safety.
I was fortunate. The situation that I was in was a phone call and thank G-d, I was not in physical danger. And yet, I allowed myself to stay on longer with someone who gave me the heebie-jeebies and who my body was sending signals of “alert!” —“do not pass go.”
I eventually did listen to my body, used boundaries and got off the phone. Relief immediately flooded my body and I ran down the stairs to share that experience with my husband and later on with a friend. Later on in privacy, I used my somatic healing techniques to process the physical sensations (the fight, flight and freeze) that my body had used to signal its warning to me. I also tapped into my intuitive wisdom to give me guidance in protecting myself in future circumstances.
Your nervous system is very wise. It is constantly sending internal signals as to who and what is safe as well as who and what is not safe. Now, some of us may have an overactive nervous system if we’ve experienced trauma or have been around critical or abusive people (like Borderline/Narcissists) too much in our lives. Then it behooves us to get help in releasing past trauma and get more clear and trusting of our own internal power. But that being said, when the word “should” whispers to you it would be wise to ignore it and instead tune into the message that your body is sending you. The “social” thing is not as important as the “wise” thing. We never want to override these intuitive messages that our bodies want us so desperately to hear.
Need a helping hand? I invite you to schedule your Free Clarity call today. As a Somatic Healer, Clarity Coach, and Relationship Expert, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies and intuition. Stress and pain relief, trauma processing, marriage magic, Narcissist/Borderline-relationship detoxing, career shifts, dating, and goal setting can all be accomplished through Mindbody Soul sessions (by phone).
Download your free gift eguide: “3 Secrets to Solve Burnout and Get Energized the Mindbody Wellness Way” (also gives access to your free download of “Escape from the Borderline/Narcissist’s Web” ).
Happy clients love to share:
“I looked forward to Miriam’s sessions. She guided me to focus on what I was feeling inside my body based on specific thoughts creating more peace of mind and body for me. She is genuine and caring and I highly recommend Miriam and her somatic method!”
- S.B., Texas
“I initially signed up to find ways to manage my difficulties due to fibromyalgia, but I have received so much more. Around the time of my fourth session I was faced with a terrifying flare up and a major life decision to make that I didn’t feel I could handle, but after that fourth session I was able to finally admit my heart’s true feelings, accept them and begin to flourish. Ever since I have decided to choose my health and happiness with Miriam’s help, the world is a brighter place.”
And with regard to Rachel’s fibro flare ups, this is what she has to say:
“My flare ups typically consist of extreme fatigue, debilitating pain all over, and increased anxiety and depression, but the tools I’ve learned and experiences I’ve had with Miriam have decreased the intensity and frequency of my flare ups. I am now able to sense whether my pain is purely physical or stems from something more, and know how to release the negative energies from my life to feel better in that moment and moving forward.”
- Rachel, Skokie, Illinois