School and Your Child’s Emotional and Physical Wellbeing
Mindbody Wellness Clarity Tips
Dear Awesome Woman,
With a new chapter of school starting for children, it’s wise for adults to be aware of physical pain symptoms that can mask emotional pain. As a coach/healer I am privy to hearing client’s stories regarding their school years. Often there are painful memories of these clients as children failing to meet the academic expectations of teachers and parents. The memories are not only painful but traumatic.
Most of our school systems are set up in a way that can only address one type of ideal student—that being a Fact-Finder/Follow-Through. According to organizational strategist, Kathy Kolbe, we all have unique ways of taking action in the world. If a car were to break down in Alaska and four people were to emerge, each one would have their own way of dealing with the dilemma.
Person 1, the QuickStart, would run to the hood, open it, and wiggle some wires, though completely ignorant of how a car works.
Person 2, the Fact-Finder, would google the problem and try to gather all the information they could before taking action.
Person 3, the Implementor, would look under the hood and fix the problem. They are a person who understands engines and is good with their hands.
Person 4, the Follow-Through, would have Triple AAA as a contact and dial them up for assistance. They’re super organized and tend to place their dirty silverware in the dishwasher by grouping together the knives, spoons, and forks.
As you can see from this description, the Fact-Finder/Follow-Throughs have the best chance in the school systems of today because of their ability to learn through books/information and be organized. The Quick Starts are labeled impulsive, antsy, and ADHD because they want to dive in and make something happen; the Implementors are labeled ADD and dreamers because they learn through doing and touching, not through sitting and books.
Imagine having the same racetrack for a fish, a bat, and a cougar. A fish can’t race on land or in the air; a bat can’t race on land and water; a cougar can’t race in the water or air. Why is there one track? And what is the race about in the first place? What is the goal?
All these questions need to be asked of the school systems today. The reason that I am bringing any of this to your attention is because of the damage that trying to conform to the current school can have on children’s emotional health. And these children grow into adults with trauma stuck in the body.
Let’s instead address that emotional health now as best we can. Children may not speak of their emotions openly and how they are scared of the teacher, bored with the subjects, or angry at not comprehending things the way the teacher is explaining them. Instead, they may get headaches, tummy aches, bed-wetting problems, and a host of other physical symptoms that are really masking emotional pain.
The answer to children’s pain relief is not just Tylenol. It’s taking the time and having the insight to address their emotions.
So, when a child comes to you with body pain what do you do? After inquiring how the pain showed up and after checking to make sure that the situation is not an emergency, do you just give them a pain-relieving med and then assume that the symptom will go away?
It might. Or the pain may go away, but reappear elsewhere in the body. Or may show up as an autoimmune issue, a digestion issue, depression, anxiety, or sadness at some other future time.
The mindbody connection of emotions to our physical health is very real.
Though the following examples are not school-based, they demonstrate the connection between emotions and physical pain symptoms.
A few years ago, one of my teenage sons woke up with neck pain and as I coached him using somatic techniques and some physical measures, we were able to get him up and active within a few days. Most importantly, he learned some very important lessons regarding relationships, boundaries, and self-care—the emotional connection to the very physical neck pain (“Mom, My Neck is Hurting—Why Are You Talking To Me About My Feelings?” and “Children’s Pain and Wellness: Are you Hearing What Their Bodies Are Telling You?”)
Another time, I walked into the house after an errand, and this same son was lying on the couch. He told me that he had kicked a box and then got a pain in his neck. He couldn’t move his neck to the side because it hurt too much.
I put my stuff down and then asked him, “Tell me what happened again please?”
He replied, “I was totally fine and then kicked a box. Next thing I knew I got this terrible pain in my neck. I think it’s from the situation that happened yesterday.”
I knew what situation that he was referring to. The day before he had gone with his younger brother to a Flag football game. Someone on the other team had started fighting with another boy and my son and an adult interfered to break it up. My son held back the kid who had started the fight, but let go when the twelve-year-old kid threatened to call the police on him.
When my two boys returned home and told us the story, we told my older son that he had done the right thing to interfere and try to help.
My son agreed and yet there was something unsettling about the experience for him. He didn’t realize it until the next day when his neck went out.
I sat with him and had him put his hand on his stiff neck. We took some deep breaths together. I asked him if he was angry at the kid who had threatened to call the police and he replied that he was. My son is a very responsible, good, and caring soul and for him to step into a situation where he was trying to be helpful and then be told off and threatened as he was, was uncomfortable. He was angry—a difficult emotion for him to admit to, but there it was.
I had him do the ROAR! Process to release the anger and frustration that came up. And, afterward, when we talked some more, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, “That I did something wrong.”
Bingo. Shame. A highly toxic emotion that surrounds a limiting belief.
I asked him where he felt that in his body. When he replied that his chest felt tight, I had him rest his hand there. And just breathe.
We also returned to the sensation in his neck as well and did some neural-pathway shifting for the thought that was bringing up the shame.
We talked further about the incident and some fear and “shock” had come up as well considering that the kid had threatened to call the police on him. I continued to use some more simple somatic techniques with him, ones that I use for myself, my family, and clients to access what we could from the pain that had shown up.
You see, emotions are “energy in motion.” Once accessed and heard, you can also tap into the intuitive wisdom that the body wants to share. My son was able to find the truth for himself instead of living with a lie. He saw that he had done the right thing by trying to help and that brought a sense of relief in his body. The boy who had started the fight had tried to throw his blame on my son, but we have the ability to see situations as they are, get clarity, and not swallow other people’s blame.
My son’s neck felt better, but there was still some pain there. Since healing integrates the mind, emotions and body, I put some arnica gel on his neck and we drove to a local mall for a short neck and back massage. We asked them to be gentle and told them where the pain was. He felt more relief. When we returned home, I gave him some Ibuprofin and we headed out to the beach with his siblings. He was able to swim and play in the waves and even play frisbee. The pain was gone and did not return.
We had taken an integrative approach to the neck pain. We dived into the emotions of a difficult situation. His neck pain did not result from the kicking of the box. He knew this because he had had somatic sessions with me before.
Use yourself as an example. Do you notice that sometimes there is a small action you take, perhaps a movement that you’ve done in the past with your body, but the next thing you know, your knee is out, your shoulder hurts, you’ve got a whopping headache? This is how Mindbody pain works. You don’t realize that you’re upset with someone or feeling humiliated or sad, but the next day, bam! the back goes out, the neck stiffens, the arm feels achy. But it wasn’t the little movement that you did, it was the tension in your body that you were holding onto from your emotions. Those emotional energies need to be heard, the body has something to say.
The pain is an alarm that something isn’t sitting well with the body and soul. But just dousing the alarm doesn’t put out the fire. We must look below the surface and get emotionally honest.
A child getting headaches and stomach aches are really sharing something else with their parents. There is fear, anger, or grief coming through their body. Addressing these emotions will be the key to their health and will help that energy be released from their bodies rather than stuck to only emerge later as a deeper issue.
Giving a pain killer for relief is a blessing as well as getting massages and bodywork. We are fortunate to have these tools at our disposal. And yet, it is wise to dive into the situation and process the emotional pain there. The next time that a child comes to you with a tummy ache, or a headache, use wise discernment to make sure that there is no emergency present. Then gently ask a few questions— “Are you feeling good with all your friends? Is there a teacher who you are afraid of? Is something at school making you sad? Scared? Frustrated?”
And do the same for yourself. Maybe when you were younger, no one made the Mindbody connection for you, but today you can. You can do that for yourself.
Schedule your Free Mindbody Clarity call today! Get clear, get healthy 🙂 Looking forward to connecting with you!
As a Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert, and Clarity Coach, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their bodies and intuition. Stress and pain relief, trauma processing, marriage magic, dating help, Narcissist/Borderline-relationship detoxing, career shifts, and goal setting can all be accomplished through Mindbody Soul sessions (by phone).
Each session creates quantum energetic shifts for healing, insight, and transformation. You have so much wisdom and it’s all within you.
Download your free gift e-guide: 3 Secrets to Solve Burnout and Get Energized the Mindbody Wellness Way (also gives access to your free download of “Escape from the Borderline/Narcissist’s Web”).
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Sharing a few testimonials from clients whose lives have been transformed and you can check out more @ Client Love:
“I looked forward to Miriam’s sessions. She guided me to focus on what I was feeling inside my body based on specific thoughts creating more peace of mind and body for me. She is genuine and caring and I highly recommend Miriam and her somatic method!”
- S.B., Texas
“I began working with Miriam not only to resolve the back pain I was experiencing but also to do deep emotional releasing that had built up over a period of time for me, especially in relation to working with highly difficult individuals. Miriam showed me some powerful processes that I deeply needed to shift both emotional and physical tension and through this work, I developed much better awareness of the mind-body connection and how I can ‘listen’ to the signals my body gives me. I now feel so much more empowered in making choices that align with what my soul and body needs. Without her support, I would have had a very hard time making changes and letting go of toxic relationships and situations that weren’t serving me anymore. Am very grateful for her support on this journey with me!”
- K.W, Manchester, UK