The I’m-Not-Doing-Enough Cure
Mindbody Wellness & Clarity Tips
Dear Awesome Woman,
Sometimes I wake up feeling grumpy. And dissatisfied. Considering that I practice gratitude on a daily basis with “Never take anything for granted” exercises, this comes as an annoyance. So in addition to feeling grumpy, I’ve got the added grumpy of puzzlement—why am I feeling this way?
Sure, there are the not-so-good things going on in my life, but there’s also great things going on. This is life and I’ve been riding those waves for a long time. I balance the not-so-great and the great pretty well—I’ve got my somatic healing techniques, I’ve got my healers I hire for when I need added help, I’ve got some joy-mindful moment exercises sprinkled into my day, some nature, great clients, and connecting relationships. So what’s with this waking-up-grumpy?
I went out to my garden and grumpily shlepped the long, twisted hose to a newly planted area—got to make sure those newbies don’t wilt and die before their beauty takes root. I turned on the sprinkler and then sat to watch the spray of water. A beautiful hummingbird appeared and drank from the water droplets on the plants. It was stunning to see and made me smile. I felt loved by creation. I felt blessed.
And then it dawned on me what was the cause of my grumpy awakening. The past day or so I’ve been not-enoughing myself and feeling shamed as a result.
I’m not doing enough by my kids.
I’m not doing enough in my career.
I’m not doing enough in my garden.
I’m not getting enough right in my health.
Wow. No wonder I was feeling grumpy. That not-enoughness is a totally low energy vibe. How can one feel good if they are picking on themselves even subtly?
Ever get this vibe? I wouldn’t be surprised if you do. The culture of today is rampant with it because of the amount of social media and information coming at us moment by moment—at a speed that defies the laws of gravity. And those Whatsapp groups? OMG! How many people can we be connected with on a daily basis? A thousand at least. And we know a lot about what’s going on in their lives because of the constant sharing.
I’m an introvert and this kind of deluge of connection is way overwhelming. My family, my clients, some social media interconnection, a friend’s text or call, some WhatsApp exchanges, and a hummingbird are just the perfect amount of connecting for me a day. Adding more to that is a bit tricky for my energy.
What’s coming into our mind-inbox daily is this fast paced movement that can cause a dissociation from our own present moments, from our own real-time realities.
Truly, what we have is enough, what we’re doing is enough and who we are is enough. For sure, there is always space for improvement. But that improvement can’t really happen when we are not-enoughing ourselves because then we are coming from a low energy vibe of lack. Lack in our stuff, and lack in ourselves.
In order to “fix” this and up our energy vibe, we’ve got to draw back into ourselves. We’ve got to take a deep breath in and exhale, feel ourselves in our space and time, and take notice. We’ve got to stop running amok in other people’s lanes of the highway, and stay in our own lane, stay on our own piece of paper, in our own business. What really is happening in my garden, my career, my family, my life?
Can I see my potency in life? Can I feel my power and the power of my choices?
Here’s the I’m-Not-Doing-Enough Cure:
1) Jot down on a piece of paper how you are “shoulding” yourself.
For example—”I should : exercise more, connect more, create more, do more, work more, plant more, heal more, travel more etc.”
These thoughts are so insidious that you may not even realize that they are lurking in the recesses of your mind. Taking paper and bringing them into the light of honesty may even shock you that they were there rambling in your brain, sucking energy from you.
2) Notice what that “shoulding” does to your body.
Do you slump? Do you feel anxious, constricted, shut down? I would bet you don’t feel on cloud 9! Dive into those sensations—slump if you feel slumpy, put your hand on your chest if it’s buzzing, cradle your jaw if it’s clenching. You’re taking notice of the negative effect on your body when you are thinking very constricting “should” thoughts.
3) Take a breath in and release.
Without that “shoulding”—what is really going on? Be present with your body—what sounds are you hearing around you, what do you smell, what are you sitting on? How is your thinking askew? Are some things going right and well? Are you taking action and making slow changes about things that you are dissatisfied with? Are you going even a little bit in the direction of your desires?
If you are single, are you taking action towards having a relationship—learning about relationships, doing some inner work, putting yourself on a dating app? Are you filling your life up with good relationships with friends, spending time doing what you love and being creative?
If you have kids, are you connecting with them in ways that bring you closer and make the relationships emotionally safe for them? What steps or awareness are you taking to increase those bonds?
If you are married, are you doing some kindness throughout the day for your spouse? Are you being appreciative? Are you releasing resentment? There are ways to up the vibe in your marriage and bring more emotional safety and connection to this very important relationship.
If you have a career, are you enjoying it? Are you making shifts if you’re not? Are you taking steps in the direction of kindness to yourself and accomplishment as well? Self-compassion is always the key to positive and healthy change.
I think that if you look and take notice, you will see that you are actually doing quite a lot. Your day is probably busy and filled with things that you prioritize, make time for, and move you in the direction of your desires. You probably are making shifts, even small ones, to accomplish things that are important to you.
4) Write these down so you see proof of it in front of you.
5) Put your hands up and celebrate yourself—this is a somatic tool!
Say “Yay me!” It’ll bring blood and oxygen to the brain. Draw back from the “shoulding” and see your own beauty and light. Notice that you are doing enough for today! And of course, tomorrow will bring more moments of possibilities.
Need a helping hand? Schedule your Free Clarity Call today! As a Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their body and intuition. Emotional/Physical pain relief, Trauma and anxiety release, Marriage wellness, Dating help, Borderline/Narcissist relationship detox, career clarity, and money receptivity are accomplished through an integrated somatic process over the phone. Mindbody Wellness is not just talk therapy! Discover your clear path to empowerment and joy now.
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