Own Your Shadow—A Simple Way Relieve Tension & Improve Your Relationships
Mindbody Wellness Clarity Tips
Dear Awesome Woman,
Judgment, whether it’s towards the self or towards others, is a huge factor in creating tension in the body and tension in relationships. The inner tension causes painful mindbody symptoms, those aches and ailments that sometimes seem to have a logical explanation, but oftentimes don’t. And we certainly know the stress that’s added to a relationship when we’re judging others.
So how do we drop that judgment quickly and dial down tension? Do we take a run, beat a punching bag, get all zen with breathing?
Those things are great stress relievers, but here’s a simple one that can work really quickly: own all your parts.
Own the parts of yourself that you’ve been rejecting and pushing away from yourself.
You see them clearly in other people:
- She is irresponsible.
- She is lazy.
- She is selfish.
- She is so impractical. How could she think that could work?
- He is inept at his job.
- He makes bad decisions.
The list can go on forever. We all have judgments. Those are normal and human. But these are projections of ourselves that G-d, the Universe, Source, is showing outside of us in order to integrate what is inside of us. They are our shadow parts.
The first step to integrating these is through recognition and awareness. Knowing that we have all those parts too.
All this is not to say that we should ignore our ability for wise discernment. Nope—that would be a big ‘no-no.’
So let’s take a pause and quickly explore the difference between judgment and discernment.
Discernment is when there is a neutrality around what we are seeing in someone else. It’s a noticing, an awareness of someone’s personality trait. An acceptance. We are free to like or dislike what we are noticing especially when it has a negative consequence for us like a friend or co-worker being continuously late. In these cases, we allow ourselves to use wise discernment to take action.
With judgment, there’s an annoyance with tension—a clenched jaw, a gripping in the chest—plus there’s a belief that we are more perfect than the other and that we would never do what they are doing.
By owning what we are judging in another we can be free. We can let go of the inner tension of trying to hide from our shadow. We free up the energy of holding something at bay.
And this is how:
1) Say: “I am also ___________.” And find in your life where you are not perfect and where you do exactly what you’re complaining about the other person.
2) Release a long breath and then inhale, release again.
3) Now say: “Sometimes I am _______ and sometimes I am ________. I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
With the earlier sentences, it would look like this:
- “I am also irresponsible when ….” — find a circumstance where you were kind of irresponsible. Breathe. And then say: “Sometimes I am a person who is responsible and sometimes I am a person who is irresponsible. I am both; I am willing to own all my parts.”
- “I am also lazy when….” Breathe. “Sometimes I am lazy and sometimes I am productive. I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
- “Sometimes I am also selfish when …” Breathe. “Sometimes I am giving and sometimes I am selfish. I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
- “I am also impractical. I did this ….and those things were very impractical.” Breathe. “Sometimes I am practical and sometimes I am impractical. I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
- “I am also inept when …. “ Breathe. “Sometimes I am competent and sometimes I am inept.” Breathe. “I am both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
- “I also make bad decisions when …. “ Breathe. “Sometimes I make great decisions and sometimes I don’t. I do both. I am willing to own all my parts.”
Get the drift?
This little exercise may sting a bit and that is the ego letting go of its self-identity. It’s dissolving and that can feel uncomfortable at first.
But when you get into the habit of owning all your parts, it’s extremely freeing, releases tension in your body and improves relationships with yourself and others. Your partner, your kids, your co-workers, your friends and even strangers will thank you!
You are still going to make wise, discerning decisions about who you hire, who you work with, who you friend, but from a more expansive, soul-wise place. From a place of noticing and awareness where self-identity is more flowing and whole.
Need a helping hand? Schedule your free 20-minute Clarity Call today! As a Somatic Healer, Relationship Expert & Clarity Coach, I help empower women to trust themselves through the wisdom of their body and intuition. Emotional/Physical pain relief, Trauma and anxiety release, Marriage wellness, Dating help, Borderline/Narcissist relationship detox, career clarity, and money receptivity are accomplished through an integrated somatic process over the phone. Mindbody Wellness is not just talk therapy! Discover your clear path to empowerment and joy now.
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Sharing a few testimonials from clients whose lives have been transformed and you can check out more @ Client Love:
“Working with Miriam has been one of the most incredible healing experiences for me. She guided me into healing some interesting and life bothering issues in my life. Dove straight into what I felt what was holding me back from being the best version of myself. I really enjoyed her way of releasing some hard emotions that I have held inside for so long. Most importantly I felt so free to open up to her. She has this really awesome way of making you feel so safe to completely be yourself. Totally no judgment.” -Rima, France
“Working with Miriam Racquel while I was dating was a transformational experience. I loved how instead of giving me advice, she helped me figure out what I really wanted and what my heart was truly feeling. Working together has helped me realize patterns in myself and others which empowers me to deepen and enrich my relationships. She’s patient and kind and goes above and beyond for her clients. I have so much more clarity and peace of mind after just 3 sessions. Highly recommended!” – F.R., Passaic, NJ
Exciting news to share! My memoir, God Said What?! #MyOrthodoxLife is out! It was an 8 year long journey of getting it out into the world, but a worthwhile one indeed to share this tale of love, faith, and Kabbalistic mystical happenings. Enjoy!
“I found this to be a fascinating read, and thoroughly enjoyed it the whole way through. As a non-jewish person I learned so much and I really appreciated the author’s authenticity, vulnerability and openness. I highly recommend this book!” – Kristen
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