Marriage is Delicate—Answers to 5 Important Questions About Love & Intimacy
Marriage Magic Mindbody Wellness Tips
Dear Awesome Woman,
Why is it important to “date” your spouse after marriage?
Why is physical intimacy so important for your marriage even when you don’t feel like it?
Why is it important to find ways to release negative energy about your spouse but also share gratitude with him everyday?
Why is it a good idea to be careful about friendships with the opposite sex after marriage?
Why is it wise to discern who you speak to about your marriage?
The general answer is because marriage is delicate. It’s not just an extension of dating. It’s a whole other ballgame where you are seriously committing yourself to cherish and love this one man for the rest of your life. And to live with him hoping to get along with peace, cooperation, goodwill and intimacy. This is a formidable task and requires great foresight, strong values, self-control, kindness, humility, and boundaries with those outside the marriage.
Let’s dive in deeper:
1. Why is it important to “date” your spouse after marriage?
Because the mundane can get boring and what we have, we sometimes grow tired of and lack appreciation. Keep enlivening your marriage by making quality time together especially if you have a growing family with young kids.
Go for walks, out to eat, museums, lectures, city tours, beach visits, overnight hotel stays, etc.
Every day jot down in a journal or on a white erase board, this phrase: “Never take anything for granted:” Then watch your mind google a hundred things that if you didn’t have today, you’d miss. Write a few of those down, including your husband and your marriage as part of this list. This habit of gratitude will raise you up to a higher vibe and lift up your marriage as well. Your husband and home will feel that energy of appreciation and this is so nurturing to your life.
2. Why is physical intimacy so important for your marriage even when you don’t feel like it?
As I write in my dating e-guide (Empowered Dating for the Enlightened Woman), I love the respect that energy healer Donna Eden has for women’s bodies as well as realism about sexual intimacy. She shares that from an energetic and hormonal perspective, men and women are different—“Energetically, arousal for a man quickly ignites the genitals, and the energy moves up toward the heart and warms it. For a woman, arousal starts in the mind or heart and then travels to the genitals.” She also explains that oxytocin, the connecting and nurturing hormone, is ten times concentrated in women’s bodies than men’s.
Men get a surge of oxytocin upon intercourse—this is their great bonding and connecting moment to their wives. Sure it may die down afterward, but that boost made them feel loving and loved. Being in a committed relationship with a kind man, where there is trust and emotional safety, allows you to have fun, to laugh and cry and feel connected and cherished. It also allows for you as a woman to feel confident in your sexual expression. You may not always feel like being together with your husband, but a marriage thrives on physical bonding as well as emotional bonding. Even if there are times that you don’t feel like being physically intimate, the marriage benefits from your spouse getting that hit of oxytocin, where he feels loved and loving. His body is different than yours.
Going months without physical intimacy will do damage. My husband and I have worked together with couples where months and sometimes years have gone by without sexual intimacy. Husbands are not meant to be just roommates. Marriage integrates the physical and emotional, to love and to be loved.
A secret to having physical intimacy in marriage is having nights that are preplanned. That’s right, I’m talking about scheduling intimacy rather than waiting for desire to strike. Even authors of the romance novels that fill the bookstore shelves, have admitted that while they write stormy love scenes in their books, their married life is different. They schedule nights to be with their husbands. This may not be so romantic, but when you’re married, there’s a lot going on. One of you may be tired, overwhelmed, stressed, and not in the mood. But commitment to sexual intimacy strengthens the bonds you have to one another.
Enjoy this funny video from comedian Mark Gungkor about the difference between men and women and the role of testosterone: https://youtu.be/rqgsD-IhFtw
3. Why is it important to find ways to release negative energy about your spouse but also share gratitude with him everyday?
Because we are not always going to like our husbands. It’s a challenge to live with someone day in and day out. Especially someone who was raised differently, and who thinks, feels and acts differently. But it can be done and it is a gift to have a partner.
The ROAR! Process is a mindbody/somatic release technique I developed to help process feelings of resentment, grief, sadness, annoyance, frustration. It provides wisdom and relief.
And when emotions are accepted and learned from, then we can get deeply in touch with our desires and state them in respectful ways. I was fortunate to train with relationship coach Laura Doyle, and I love the communication skills that she shares. If you haven’t read your free gift e-guide yet, please do. I mention a few in there: 6 Simple Tips to Up the Vibe of Your Marriage Today!
4. Why is it a good idea to be careful about friendships with the opposite sex after marriage?
5. Why is it wise to discern who you speak to about your marriage?
Friends and family deeply care about you (hopefully this is where their advice would come from and not from jealousy). They want what they think is best for you. If you complain to them and they see you unhappy, their nervous system goes into alert and wants to defend. They want to protect you as their loved one. And yet, if they are not a professional, then they probably don’t know what is best for you and your marriage.
If you choose to share some woes and complaints with a friend (I suggest not a family member), discern carefully. Choose someone who understands you well and can give compassion but is also wise about human nature. Please keep in mind to get professional help (choose wisely!) if you’re very unhappy and your marriage is suffering. Don’t let it go downhill—it’s the most important relationship that you have for yourself and for your children.
Marriage is delicate so treat it as the sacred structure that it is. Respect, kindness, wisdom, discernment and great boundaries with others go a long way in creating a marriage that thrives.
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This article first published @ https://yourmarriagemagic.com/marriage-is-delicate-answers-to-5-important-questions-about-love-intimacy/
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