Tuesday Somatic Wellness Tips #46: Borderline/Narcissists —Bad Choice of Friendship
Clarity, Healing, Relief, Intuition
Dear Awesome Woman,
As an Orthodox Jewish woman, there are many prayers that I say daily. One of them is asking Hashem (G-d) to keep us far from an evil person and evil companion. A Borderline/Narcissist is someone who can be described as such. People with this personality disorder make you doubt your own worth, expose you to tons of gossip by speaking badly behind others’ backs, instill fear in you, and overall are a very bad choice of friendship.
The modus operandi of a Borderline/Narcissist is dominance and control, not love and connection. Their ways can look generous, kind, friendly and loving but unfortunately that is not the case. Because of certain types of childhood wounding, they are operating from an internal false self. This false self feeds on others’ energies and survival based fears. This is their evil and a person in contact with this toxic energy, is affected, mind, body and soul.
I remember very clearly this toxic effect on my systems when I had a certain friendship. At a certain point after my life coach and somatic/mindbody trainings, I began to realize that this “good friend” of mine was a Borderline/Narcissist. Originally, I had been too entrenched in the friendship (and following all the false rules of friendship — ”a good friend should…”) to recognize some of the symptoms, patterns and effects on my body, but once I did, it was like, “get me the heck out of here!”
But I remember during prayer once, I said to Hashem, “if I’ve been requesting every day that You keep me far from an evil companion, why is this person in my life? Why didn’t You (G-d) protect me from such negative energies?” I didn’t immediately get an answer. But overtime I began to understand that we are co-partners with the Universe, with Hashem, in creating our lives. We’re souls in bodies with collaborative, internal and external work to do in this very physical world. We are often reincarnations as well so we are dealing with divine mysteries that are asking to be resolved in this lifetime.
Somatic/Mindbody Wellness Tips for the Day?
What changes can you make in your life to release this kind of toxic energy and/or to prevent having one of these unkind people in your life?
***Commit to these affirmations/intentions: “Hashem (or the Universe, whichever you prefer) surrounds me with kind people in my life.”; “I only have kind energy in my life.”; “I am kind to myself and others.” Put these words on an index card and hang them up in your closet or just put by your bed and say twice a day. Your subconscious mind will hear it and these are also like little prayers but said in the present tense.
***Read: Circles of Trust — which contains the BRAKES method to prevent getting too vulnerable, too fast (and checking in with your body!) in dating, friendships and co-worker relationships!
***If you’re dating, consider purchasing these Dating resources. Let friends who are dating know about these too. We must avoid dating and marrying Borderline/Narcissists! The pain of some of my clients who are in these relationships spurred me to offer these resources because the toxicity and trauma are real! You can also listen to these resources:
***Skip the spiritual bypasses until you’ve processed your emotions, accessed your fight and flight resources and released freeze from your body. Especially until you’ve tapped into the wisdom of your body and your intuition. It’s no favor to you to connect spiritually without connecting physically to your body’s awesome discernment. Read (if you didn’t read it as a newsletter): Skip the Spiritual Bypasses
It took me time to extract myself from the unhealthy “friendship” (which is not a simple task with a Borderline/Narcissist because of the cruelty, gossip, confusing communication and barbs that result from their rage of losing a victim), but I eventually was successful! And I thrived by leaving behind something that was very damaging and toxic to my mind, body and soul. Freedom and a partnership with Hashem to co-create your life is a very real and tangible thing!
Need a helping hand? Schedule your free 20-minute Clarity Call today! As a Somatic Healer, Marriage Coach, and Anxiety & Trauma Specialist, I help empower women to trust the wisdom of their bodies, emotions, and intuition to achieve permanent positive shifts in their health, relationships, and careers. I also specialize in Narcissist Abuse Detox & Recovery.
Mindbody Wellness is not just talk therapy! Discover your clear path to empowerment and joy now 🙂
“After almost a decade in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, I knew I needed more healing and resolution than standard talk therapy could provide. Miriam provided a somatic approach to mind and body coaching that really helped me turn my life around. I learned the importance of trusting my intuition again to make the decisions that were right for me. Thank you so much Miriam for the incredible difference you’ve made in my life!” – Nicole T., Canada
Please feel free to forward this to friends. I believe that all women can benefit from understanding the wisdom of their body, their emotions and their soul.